I know it's wrong.

I know it's wrong to force yourself to do things. to force emotions on to yourself but when you notice that it actually works, it cant help much. i mean, yes, you feel good for a few layers and everyone else is happy and you have tons of fun. but when you go home, and you're alone you feel blank and hallow. i hate feeling blank when all i want to do it feel something. i hate crying when you dont know why you're crying. i hate when people talk to me when i'm in the shower. i mean thats a private area. could you wait 10 minutes please?